When in a hypomanic state, in the beginning throes of it, before the irritability sets in, I’ve painted works of art that have won competitions and sold in art galleries. With wild, brilliant colors and vivid images swimming in front of my eyes, I’ve designed posters that have gained me so much attention that I was interviewed on NPR’s “All Things Considered” and with others, chosen to be displayed in international political design events at museums around the world.

I know I deserve all the credit for channeling that energy, but would I really have those brilliant, beautiful colors in my mind, swirling around, had I not been in a hypomanic (not manic) state? I don’t have them when I’m not in that state.

Unfortunately, I know too much about my illness. I’ve been medicated for 10 years, and I lost my bipolar father to suicide, so I’ve grown up with it. My mother is a therapist, so although I’m always reading more and more about it, I think I have a pretty good understanding of the illness.

I know my actions aren’t due to the illness, and I guess I should have rephrased that.

Is my inspiration, my energy, due to the illness?

This is a question Kay Jamison asks over and over again in her book “Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament” which she wrote after finishing “An Unquiet Mind.”

I guess, in a sense, it’s a question that plagues many manic depressives.

Thanks for your feedback. :) Would you like to trade links?

People assume the manic’s bring insight and revelation because they feel so important… the agitation feels like it must carry something important. But it’s ultimately as empty as the depressions.

Your actions and inactions are your own, but when the disease is allowed to go on untreated your actions are based on faulty data. Untreated we’re not operating with the information necessary to make healthy choices.

There are a lot of great blogs in my sidebar which could help you understand the disease, I know there are some which helped me. But some of the best posts I’ve found so far are on this page… so help yourself.

Good luck with your own blog, mine has brought me a lot of understanding and some friendships as well…

So many of my accomplishments (getting 3 degrees, starting my own design firm, winning design competitions) were fueled by the insatiable, electric energy of hypomania.

Sometimes they were impulsive decisions to get 11 tattoos over a span of 2 years (and no, I don’t regret a single one of them) or to break up with a boyfriend.

And sometimes they were more well thought-out, like amazing my friends with how productive I am and how I constantly have a tremendous amount of energy I channel into huge tasks and projects, over and over again.

So if hypomania has pushed me to become a highly successful, driven person, and I get rewarded for it, is hypomania bad? Is it me who is so driven, or is it my hypomania?

I refuse to believe that it’s only because of bipolar disorder that I get so much done. I have to give myself some credit.