Everyone has said a lot of really good things here. Some that I was already thinking, some that I hadn’t thought of.

One was the freelance writing thing. Just shoot off stuff. For one thing, it will/might keep your mind occupied, and also keep your (already fabulous) writing up. And hey–if accepted–bonus! But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. No point in that! Just chip away if it “feels right.”

You had also mentioned to me (although in a completely unrelated fashion) the notion of volunteering. Sure it’s not employment, but it gets you out and about. It also might lead to opportunities depending upon where you volunteer?

I’m not quite sure where exactly you are, and what resources are available. Hmmm.

This is such a toughie. I’ve seen so many people at different points of their illness/recovery/stability/wellness…the entire gamut. There are times when I’ve run the entire gamut. I think we all have!

A lot of people said up there that you are “moving,” if you will. That is good. Even if it’s slowly. Even if it’s in your mind. Like mercurial said–you’re feeling and thinking. That’s important.

And like Qween said it’s frustrating, but she thinks it’s good (not to put words in mouths,) but maybe the frustration will (eventually) propel you. Again, no pressure. If we start to push ourselves too hard we can drive ourselves over the edge!

Even though mercurial also said hey, just go to Alberta if you want! *laughing*

Well if that is right for you, and you wish to do so…by all means. I just know that if I push myself I need to be in the right “place,” or frame of mind…however you’d like to term it.

I know being independent. I know now, feeling like a helpless child. It’s a kick in the (insert body part of choice here.)

Just keep going. Even though you and I are not exactly in the same situation/s, I sort of feel…well similarly…very much: What the hell? Where am I going? Support? All I can do is spell it!

What’s next?

Come on then, Gabriel… Let’s try and figure it out together!

I sooooo get where you are. I’m in a similar
place. I had a career for ten years in a field I know I can’t (and don’t want to) work in again and I’m struggling still with the answer to what I
want to do with my life.

I agree with everyone, it’s a good sign. You remember what it was like? When you’re really depressed you don’t even care what happens tomorrow, never mind next week or five years down the line. This is the healthier you coming to the front.

And it might be a two steps forward one step back kind of thing. But life moves us forward even if we’re not aware that we’re moving. And its great you can see that.

It sounds like you’re looking for a step by step approach. Like you’ve figured out that part of getting well is the little goals we set and keep. Get up in the morning. Write x number of words. Make and keep those dental appointments.

You’ve been doing all this.
(sometimes way better than me,though I did get to the dentist -go me!)

What I’m doing now is just letting myself try things out. I’m giving myself permission to give things a go and see if I like them.

So for now I’m just thinking up things that appeal and doing them. I’m learning to play the cello. I’ve started taking the dog out for long walks. I’m going away for weekends when the opportunity presents. Basically just saying yes to things more often than I did when I was ill.

It’ll come, the big revelation, probably when I least expect it.

But back to the step by step. Try this…

What about using the old trick of trying to picture your perfect day. Look at it creatively (you’re good at that) write it out as a page or two of prose, if money, health etc was no object how would you imagine your day to look from getting up in the morning to going to bed at night? Describe the house you would live in, the people you’d have around you, how you’d spend your time (it would make a really interesting post)

There will be elements in it you can make real. But start from this end result and then work backwards. There will be something you can make a start on.

Good luck babe.

You can do it. Just look at all these people who take the time to respond. We’re all behind you.

Much love

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